The Right Words
by kuroame16
Summary: Obi Wan has never been one for parties. Especially when it means he'll be leaving someone behind soon. Takes place shortly after TPM. Songfic, Obidala one sided. My first story in this fandom. Title might change.


AN: Wow, it's been a while, huh? And here I come back only to write in a completely different fandom! Sorry, everyone. But I got this idea into my head after I started to read Lionchilde's amazing One Path (which all Obidala fans should check out. Seriously). So here's me, doing what I do best. Or at least, I hope I did okay with this one. It's actually been a while since I watched TPM, so I'm hoping I stayed at least somewhat in character. Let me know what you think!

(end author's note)

I stand near a table, wineglass in my hand, swirling the pinkish liquid slowly. I focus my eyes on the way it runs against the inside of the glass. I still my hand and wait for the wine to stop moving before shifting my gaze to the large window to my right. Anything to make myself feel like I'm not currently surrounded by people who expect me to be smiling and talkative. I've never liked crowds or parties. I've learned today that I like them even less when I'm a guest of honor.

_**My life is brilliant**_

Today is a day for celebration. With the help of the Gungans, the Naboo managed to defeat the Trade Federation, allowing their planet to prosper once again. I defeated a Sith warrior, officially became a Jedi knight, and I even have my own Padawan now.

And yet...I don't feel very jovial. The sting of losing my Master still lingers, and I suppose it always will. But I've lost friends before. All in a day's work for a Jedi, really. As much emphasis as we put on our philosophies of peace and contemplation, circumstances have it that our lives are continually wrought with violence.

It isn't this that occupies me. I'm distracted, as I know my training shouldn't allow me to be, by an empty weight on my consciousness I've never felt before. And I feel it most strongly whenever I look at Padme.

_**My life is brilliant  
My love is pure  
I saw an angel  
Of that, I'm sure**_

From the moment I laid eyes on her, I felt inexplicably..._pulled_. A moth to a flame, I believe is a metaphor commonly used. Once I realized who she was, I explained it to myself as it being part of my assignment: to protect her. But now...it doesn't make sense. The mission is over, so the overwhelming sense to do my duty to protect the Queen should have faded by now...right?

The _Queen_. I don't know if I'll ever get used to calling her that. The name 'Padme' will always suit her better in my mind. I glance across the room, feeling exactly where her presence is. I see her talking to the governor, Sio Bibble, her face painted in the formal manner of Naboo royalty. It amazes me how easy it is for her to be at ease in this overbearing setting. I tried talking to the governor earlier, but it hadn't been long before I excused myself under the pretence of needing more hors d'oeuvres.

_**She smiled at me on the subway  
She was with another man  
But I won't lose no sleep on that  
'Cause I've got a plan**_

Padme's gaze shifts my way and her regal mask falls for a moment as she sends me a bright, girlish smile. And for a while, the heaviness is gone. In fact, instead I feel very...light. I can't help it. I smile back. But then, just as quickly, she's turned her attention to her conversation again and the void returns.

Familiarity. That must be it. A friend found amongst an alien environment is always a source of comfort. Right, then. Well, I might as well take advantage of that fact considering it'll probably make the celebration much easier for me to bear. I set down my untouched drink and make my way over.

I give the governor a polite nod and gesture toward Padme. "May I interrupt?"

He nods back and mirrors my gesture. "Of course. My lady." He smiles at her before taking his leave.

She turns to me and says indulgently "Hello, _Master_ Obi Wan."

I respond in a playfully formal voice "Your Highness." We share a quiet laugh, formalities feeling very odd between us.

_**You're beautiful, you're beautiful  
You're beautiful, it's true**_

But then...silence. And she looks at me expectantly. "You know, usually when one person approaches another, they _say_ something."

"Oh!" I say in slight surprise, reaching to brush my Padawan braid behind my shoulder before realizing it's no longer there. I try to run my hands through my short ponytail, also not there anymore, and try to cover up my mistake by scratching the back of my head. "Right."

When we are met by more silence and I clear my throat, my mind a blank. Then she decides to start the conversation herself, for which I am very grateful. "You look handsome, Obi Wan. Symmetrical hair suits you better." Great. She must have realized my mistake.

"Thank you," I say, feeling a bit more at ease. Realizing I should give a compliment in return, I tell her "You look...well, I like the dress, I mean."

_**I saw you're face in a crowded place  
And I don't know what to do  
'Cause I'll never be with you**_

She chokes back a laugh at my expense. "You're not very good at this, are you?"

"No, I didn't mean-!" I cut myself off, my gaze shifting around as if the proper words are written on the floor or walls. "It's just...it's weird seeing you with all that make-up on." I look back at her and offer a slightly forced smile. "I think you look better without it, honestly. Even so, you look very lovely."

For a moment she appears to be at a loss for words. She glances away almost shyly for a moment, then turns to me again. "That's...thank you, Obi Wan." I smirk, the previous tension diminishing. She puts a delicate hand on my shoulder before walking away. "Enjoy the party."

_**Yes, she caught my eye****  
As I walked on by  
She could see from my face  
That I was flying high**_

I try to abide by her suggestion. I even make small talk (reluctantly) with Jar Jar for a few minutes before Anakin starts bombarding me with questions, something that is quickly becoming a common occurrence.

"Are there other kids at the temple my age, Master?" He begins, curiously.

Of course, it is now my job to answer him. "Yes, quite a few actually. But they're mostly in the Youngling group classes. Not very many have their own Master yet."

His eyes light up in excitement. "When do I get my own lightsaber?"

I smile at his enthusiasm. "As soon as you're taught how to use and build one. We each have to build our own, we aren't just _given_ them. You might start thinking about where you want to get the crystals now. That will decide what color the blade is."

He nods quickly and grins from ear to ear. Then he appears thoughtful and glances around the room. "Master...do you think we'll get to see Padme again soon?"

I force myself to swallow a lump in my throat before telling him "I don't know. I think her going to Corusant with us was a special case. It's possible, but...not very likely.

_**And I don't think that I'll see her again  
But we shared a moment  
That will last 'til the end**_

He nods again, this time more sullenly. "Hey, Ani!" I hear Jar Jar exclaim to the boy before unceremoniously hoisting him onto his shoulders. "If yousa be wantin' to see her, meesa be takin' you to her right now!" And with that, he quickly carries the boy away, but not before looking back and giving me a conspiratorial wink which makes me laugh, thankful for the reprieve. Perhaps the Gungan is more clever than I give him credit for.

And again, I find myself alone in the crowd. Despite the large open windows and the constant flow of air, I feel quite stuffy and claustrophobic surrounded by all these people. I spot an open door leading to a balcony and I take this opportunity to sneak off.

Usually I can shut out all background noise and focus, but right now that isn't working. Making my way to the edge, I slip off my brown robe, hang it over the railing, and lean against said railing to look out on the city below the setting sun.

I fold my arms in quiet contemplation as the music from inside continues to float into my ears. It's a song I know well. Sad, but hopeful. I remember it from a time in my life which I recall nothing else of. It always manages to sooth me, and I hum along quietly to myself.

_**You're beautiful, you're beautiful  
You're beautiful, it's true**_

Perhaps it soothes me too much, as I am unaware of the soft footsteps until I hear the familiar voice say playfully "I didn't know Jedi sang." I turn in surprise to see Padme- the Queen, I remind myself, standing only a few feet away from me, a curious look on her face. She frowns slightly. "Don't stop on account of me. That was quite lovely."

"I wasn't singing," I tell her, suddenly feeling ashamed. I search my brain for an explanation. "I was just...meditating. _Humming_" I emphasize "helps sometimes, that's all." I can tell her smirk that she doesn't believe it for a moment.

Then she gives me a sideways glance. "Are you blushing?"

I shake my head defensively. "No..." Her smirk turns into a knowing grin, and my face feels even warmer. "No! I'm just..." I cough awkwardly before continuing and look at the floor, unable to maintain eye contact "Naboo's a bit warmer than I'm used to."

I bring my eyes back up to her, already knowing that her expression hasn't changed. I sigh in defeat before she poses another question. "Are Jedi not supposed to sing?"

"It's not that," I respond, placing my arms on the railing, leaning backwards against it now.

_**I saw your face in a crowded place  
And I don't know what to do  
'Cause I'll never be with you**_

"Then...what?" Her eyes have a concern in them that wasn't there before. "Is something wrong?"

"This song..." I pause, choosing my words. "This song reminds me of my mother. She used to sing it to me when I was a baby."

She takes a step forward, beginning to understand. "Has it been long since you've seen her?" I can tell she's thinking of her own mother, and Anakin's goodbye to his.

It's a silly question for those familiar with the ways of the Jedi, but I explain, realizing she doesn't fall into that category. "Those who have a strong connection with the Force are taken, with their family's consent, to the Temple during infancy. We're not meant to have emotional connections to others so for the most part, we never see them again." I give her a soft smile and add "This song is all I remember of her."

She bites her lip and I see the faintest evidence of held back tears. I swallow a lump I was unaware of in my throat. There's that weight again. "Jedi aren't allowed to have families?"

"I suppose Qui-Gon was the closest thing to a father I'll ever know. But..." I look at my feet again, not wanting her to see my pain. I never want her to feel sadness on account of mine. "He's gone now." I feel my own eyes begin to fill and I shift uncomfortably. Suddenly I wish she hadn't found me out here.

"Obi Wan..." I hear the whisper at the same time that I feel a warmth on my cheek, but this time it's source is outside my body. Her hand guides my gaze back to her and forces me to look into her eyes. As I see the tears threatening to fall, the weight turns into an incredible ache.

_**You're beautiful, you're beautiful**_

_**You're beautiful, it's true**_

I hear my heart echo through my entire body as her gaze refuses to waver. Before I realize it, my own hand has lifted itself up and covered hers, wrapping itself around her smaller fingers.

I shouldn't be doing this, should I? But it's..._warm_. Even with the minimal contact, it warms my entire body.

I feel strangely disappointed when her hand begins to move away. I'm relieved though to find that she has made no effort to take her hand out of my gentle grasp. Her eyes are now filled with confusion and she shakes her head slightly. "But...you're..." she stops short before her eyes change yet again. Now they have an understanding, surprise and...pity?

Pity...

_**There must be an angel with a smile on her face  
When she thought up that I should be with you**_

She returns her hand, still in mine, to it's former resting place only this time it's mirrored on the other side of my face. "Padme?" I search her expression for an indication of what this gesture means, what she's thinking.

Slowly, she pulls my face down to hers. Then, standing on her toes, she places a gentle, deliberate kiss in the center of my forehead before pulling away to look at me again. "I'm so sorry," she says with complete honesty.

I shrug slightly. "People die every day. They become one with the Force. It's simply a part of life."

She lets out a small sigh, shaking her head, and gives me a sad smile as I feel her hands move away from me once again. "Obi Wan, that's not what I meant."

And before I have time to ask, she's walked back inside and I'm alone with the music once again, only now my head is spinning.

_**But it's time to face the truth**_

Then it clicks. The warmth, the heaviness, the ache. People talk about it all the time. I realize what it is I'm feeling, why the thought of leaving her behind hurts more than losing my Master.

It's because I care about her...

No...those aren't the right words...

_Love_. As soon as I think it, I know it to be true.

That's it. That's the right word.

I tilt my head back and look up at the stars, letting out a slow sigh before whispering "It's okay." I'm not sure if it's to the girl who by now is too surrounded by noise to possibly hear me or to myself.

But that's of little importance. Because I've also realized something else.

_**I will never be with you**_

It will never, _ever _matter.


End file.
